why men are dumb

Dear Maigler, my boyfriend is a very smart person, so why is it so hard for him to pick up on anything that I want or that I'm feeling. What bugs me is sometimes he can and other times he is totally clueless. Is he really "emotionally stupid" or is it just an excuse for him to ignore my feelings when he wants to?

Seriously Suspicious,

Dear Seriously,

Next time you are in the shower I want you to look at the back of your shampoo bottle to read the directions. Who needs those? Why are they even on there, are there seriously people who need things broken down THAT simply? Yes. Those people are called men.

The stupidity that most women complain about in their men comes from two main sources. The first is ignorance. As a man I have something called male privilege. It means our society was built by people like me for people like me and so getting through the world doesn't require a lot of thought. Consequently it just does not occur to me that someone else is not happy with the way things are unless they tell me. Privilege means not having to think about a problem. As a man if my needs are being met, I am content and do nothing, if my needs are not being met I go get what I want.

So if you want something from someone who is perfectly happy with the way things are then you have to let him know in very simple direct terms.

This brings us to the second part of male stupidity. Intelligence is the ability to gather information from the environment and use that information to solve problems.

Women are constantly putting information out into the environment in the form of signals. This works when women communicate with one another because women are more intuitive. In our society women are conditioned to operate this way because those who are aggressive or even assertive are considered "bitches" or manly. Unfortunately research has shown that men's brains are just not designed for picking up subtle hints, and that even the act of listening is harder for men than for women.

So what is a girl to do? Stop waiting for him to get it right and if you want something tell him exactly what it is you want, and how, and when you want it done. This is not romantic, it isn't very fun, but it works. Most men want the women in their lives to be happy and they tend to respond very well when they have a defined task that they think they can accomplish successfully.