Do I NEED therapy?

Dear Maigler, I just finished my freshman year of college and it kinda sucked. I broke down talking to my Mom the other day and now she is pushing me to go talk to a therapist. I’m not emotionally unstable I just had some stress. What would a therapist do for me anyway?

Noneed Fortherapy

Dear Noneed,

You probably don’t NEED a therapist. 90% of the people I have worked with in my career do not NEED a therapist, in that they would not die, or even have a terrible life if they did not seek counseling. I think the problem is the way you are approaching the issue. The question is not do you need therapy, but instead could you benefit from it?

For years I have worked with clients who have been resistant to the idea of counseling. I make them answer a series of questions:
Why would anyone want to talk to a social worker?

I don’t know. They have problems.

Doesn’t everybody have problems, why wouldn’t they just talk to their friends?

Maybe they think their friends don’t have any knowledge about that stuff or it is embarrassing.

Yeah, a social worker may have more experience and knowledge talking about a particular subject, but that isn’t the main thing most people like about it. Have you ever had a friend and then later you weren’t friends with them any more?

Yeah, so what you’re saying is the therapist or social worker will keep things to themselves.

Absolutely. whatever a person says to me in a session I cannot say anything about it to anyone unless it involves a person hurting themselves, hurting someone else or anything to do with abuse of children or the elderly, in which case I’m a mandated reporter. If I break confidentiality for any other reason I can be reported to the state and lose my license.

How about this, are friends ever biased? Ever had a friend who didn’t like your girlfriend, or who didn’t get along with your other friends?

Yeah

That is the real beauty of talking to a social worker/counselor. I’m not part of your life. We don’t hang out. If you and I talk and you don’t like what I have to say you can walk away and never see me again. It doesn’t work that way with friends. They have a stake in your life. If they want you to go to University of Vermont with them and you want to go to UC Boulder, they are going to try to influence you. I just help people decide what they want.

Did you brush your teeth this morning?

What?! Yes!

Did you look in the mirror while you were brushing your teeth?

I guess. I don’t know. Probably, yes.

What does the mirror do for you?

It helps you see if you missed a spot, or if you have toothpaste on your face

But it doesn’t reach out and wipe it off for you does it?

No

I’m like a mirror. I don’t fix people, or change them, or judge them. I just help people to see the things in their life that they are too close to. I’m not smarter or better than the people I work with, I’m just a tool that people can choose to use or not.

Who is the best golfer in the world?

Tiger Woods

And you know what? Tiger Woods has a golf coach. It isn’t because he isn’t a good golfer. It is because even the best there is can do better if he is willing to accept support.

I believe every person could benefit from counseling/therapy/life coaching. Many people take the suggestion that they seek counseling as an insult. I urge you not to see it that way. Realize that you don’t get extra points in life for suffering and if counseling could help instead of saying why me, maybe you should say why not me?