(Sorry friends it has been a very long time since I
posted. My son is too wonderful to pull
myself away from when he is awake and when he is asleep I get lazy. I will do better.)
Question: I am on the
tail end of relationship that isn’t going anywhere and so I began exploring
online dating sites. I met a man on a
Christian site and we have been trading emails for a couple of months. He lives one state away from me, which is
annoying but not impossible. Recently we
have been talking about plans to meet. I
am little concerned though because he has already told me that he is in love
with me and has sent me flowers. I am
flattered by his emails but am I wrong to think this is too much too fast?
Answer: You are wise
to be wary. Anyone who professes their
love for someone they have never met in person should arouse suspicion. In the best case scenario he is a hopeless
romantic and is in love with the idea of being in love. In the worst case scenario this is some sort
of scam artist who might try to take advantage of you.
This is not to say that internet dating is not a wonderful
thing. For centuries people were limited
in who they could date by their geography.
The internet has opened up the opportunity for people to find partners
who really share their interests and might be a great fit than anyone who they
could have naturally encountered throughout the course of their day.
I think that any person who does not regularly find themselves
in an environment where they are encountering dozens of attractive available
people (so virtually everyone who is beyond college age), should consider
creating a profile on an internet site if they are not finding what they are
looking for in dating.
That being said, never trust that anyone is who they claim
to be online. It is not until you have
seen a person interacting with their friends, family, co-workers, waiters at
restaurants, etc… that you have any idea who that person is.
Hopefully you would do a bit of research before you selected
a new doctor or a contractor to do a repair on your home. Bring the same level of diligence before you
invite someone into your life. If this
person lives far away try and check out their profile online and try to find a
way to interact with some of their other friends, even if it is only in a
virtual way.
If you are enjoying this connection and he is coming on a
little too strong but you don’t want to push him away be direct. You might try saying, “It feels great to read
those words but I find it to be a bit overwhelming. If you are interested in this going forward,
and I hope you are, I need you to tone it down a little until we know each
other a little better.”
If he can’t tone it down then this is a person who you need
to avoid. He lacks social skills and
empathy and that will not get better over time.
If he can bring himself to a level you are comfortable with I would
still recommend connecting with someone else he knows before you meet in
person.
Keep safety in mind for a first meeting. Let others know where you are going and how
to reach you. If possible meet in a
setting where some of your friends can be there as well, like a concert. Any person who refuses to meet with you in a
public place and who refuses to let you communicate with their friends should
send up some big red flags.
In this millennium there is no excuse for not going out and
finding the person who can make you happy.
There is a fit out there for everyone and it has never been easier to
search. Just search safely using common
sense and feedback from people you trust.
