just drinking a lot or drinking problem?

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Question: recently my husband has been drinking more and seems to try to hide it. He still seems to be functioning fine. I know he's not an alcoholic, but how do I know when to be concerned that this has become a drinking problem.

Answer: A person has a drinking problem when drinking leads to problems in their life. That answer is so simple that it may seem like I'm being facetious, I'm not.

Often people get lost in the details of semantics and word choice. What is the cut off between alcoholic and heavy drinker or eating disorder and disordered eating? To me at the end of the day when a person engages in any behavior that impairs their functioning, places stress on their relationships, is detrimental to their health, significantly impacts their finances, or any combination of these things, and yet they continue doing it, they have a problem.

I had a friend in college who had a B+ average. He went to class, had good relationships with people, stayed in shape, but two out of every three times he drank alcohol he would get in a fist fight or destroy property. Was he an alcoholic? Absolutely not. Did he have a drinking problem, YES. Fortunately after we talked to him he agreed and stopped drinking.

If your husband seems to be hiding his behavior you should absolutely be concerned about it because that means that he is. A rule of thumb for therapists is if you are afraid to tell your supervisor what you did you know you did something wrong. I think that maxim holds true for everyone.

There are two kinds of substance use, recreational and medicinal. When we use a substance in a social setting to enhance our experience and reduce our inhibitions this is recreational use. It may never be wise but at least this is usually the intended purpose of the substance. When we use any substance to change the way we are feeling, we are using it as a medicine. Any time we use "medicine", even those prescribed by a doctor, to get an effect that they were not designed for we are heading down a dangerous road.

For example if I have a headache from the stress of work and I decide to fix myself a cocktail to get rid of it I am using alcohol as a medicine. This can easily lead to a pattern where I increase my consumption as my stress increases and before long I have done damage to my body, my mind, and/or my relationships.

If you are concerned about your husband express it. Anytime we are afraid to bring a topic up with someone that is an indicator that we need to. Expect him to be defensive and counter that by pointing out your fears and ask that he merely look at it from your point of view. Hopefully he will decrease his consumption and replace alcohol with some far more healthy stress reliever.