my boyfriend stole my car

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Question: My boyfriend is an alcoholic and a former meth addict. He had really turned his life around for quite awhile but the demons of having been sexually abused as a child keep haunting him. We go to the same university and live together. He does not have permission to use my car but the other night he took it when I was asleep, went out and got drunk and passed out in the car until the next day. Now he does not understand why I'm still mad about it, since the car wasn't damaged. I guess I'm mostly mad at myself for falling in love with yet another guy who is going to put substance use ahead of my feelings. I'm not stupid but since I keep falling for the same type of guy I just want to stick it out with one, especially one who really understands my old wounds like this one does. Help.

Answer: You have decide what you love more your boyfriend as a person or the fact that he needs you.

If you do not leave today get yourself a good therapist and tell him you will not have contact with him until he is in treatment one of three things will happen and you won't like any of them. 1.) he will get better and you will lose interest. 2.) He will get worse and drain you emotionally until this kills him or you finally drop him. 3.) He will continue living life as a "functioning" addict and you will continue with co-dependence and both your lives will have his addictions as the center of your life for years.

If he says he will change he is lying. If he could have changed he would have already. Do you think he really likes living this way. Addicts will lie, cheat, steal and MANIPULATE, because NOTHING in this world can stand in the way of their need.

So you can continue to love him but you cannot trust him. Ideally trust and love are like a hand and a glove. You can have trust without love and it is still pretty powerful, but when you have love without trust it is like an empty glove, it has substance but no strength.

If you decide to stay with him you should go to AA with him. Not just so you can make sure he goes but because I have a feeling you will benefit from seeing how his path turns out.

You also need to get a lot more support for yourself to break the pattern of relationships that has led you to "yet another" guy like this. It seems like part of you believes you can only be safe in a relationship where the guy needs you. Otherwise he will abandon you. Guess what? This plan isn't protecting you from that very well.

So many women do not seek help for co-dependence, domestic violence, sexual assault, etc... because they are intelligent, beautiful, powerful women and they are ashamed that they got into this situation. Don't let your shame be a prison for the rest of your life.