Don't tell me I have potential!

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Question: If my Mom tells me one more time how much "potential" I have I'm going to stab her in the face, okay not literally, but still! What if I don't care about getting straight A's? Why can't she just be happy with who I am and the things I do?

Answer: 99% of parents and teachers have no idea that the phrase "You have so much potential..." translates into "you are a lazy loser" in kid language.

If you ever become a parent you will discover that the first sensation that washes over you when they put that little wrinkly baby in your arms is a mixture of love and joy, and the second is a gigantic wave of fear to which the immediate response is the prayer "Please God don't let me screw this up!"

Nobody wants to be the caricature evil parent or teacher that says "you suck, you'll never amount to nothin!" We read in parenting books that you must encourage your children to believe that they can do anything, they can be president, and that you believe in them.

There is a flip side to every coin and the dark side of encouragement and belief is the feeling that love is conditional upon achievement. They fear that no matter how hard they try it will never be good enough, their parent will never be satisfied so why play the game? Why try to hit a moving target?

I'm guessing your Mom has no idea how close to a face stabbing she is getting with words that she thinks are designed to motivate you with love. If you want her to change it is not enough to tell her that you don't want her to say "you have so much potential" or she will just replace the word potential with "possibility" or "talent" and you will still end up feeling like she is saying you are not good enough.

More then tearing down her mistake you must explain to her what you want her to do instead. "Mom instead of telling me how much potential I have say...whatever her truth is" Unfortunately that truth might be more uncomfortable that the word potential. It might be her being candid about her fears that you will resent her later in life if she doesn't push you.

The key formula to learn when ever anyone says something that makes you uncomfortable is "Mom, when you say....... I feel...... If you want me to....... please say...... instead." I know it is kinda like emotional mad libs but it works.