safety in obesity?

(come on people get your friends and family following this blog. I can only help the folks I reach and if you have a question or need some suggestions, go ahead and e-mail me to ask, I'll answer)


Question: my doctor has told me I need to lose weight and he put me on a specific diet and exercise plan. I have been following the plan to the letter for two months and virtually no change. I saw a woman on tv who was a victim of rape who gained a lot of weight and couldn't lose it. I was sexually abused as a child, could that keep me from losing weight as an adult?

Answer: Absolutely. Often survivors of abuse/assault will subconsciously try to find ways to protect themselves. Their subconscious reasons "if I was less attractive they would not have chosen me. Therefore I will protect myself in layers of flesh and no one will attack me again." Very logical, just not remotely rational.

This is not to say that every overweight abuse/assault survivor can lay the blame for that on their past trauma. Most overweight people simply take in more calories than they burn. Regardless of the cause (boredom, response to trauma, cultural traditions about food and eating....) the way to fix it is to change behavior patterns with regard to eating and exercise.

If however, at some level of your subconscious you fear fitness more than you fear fat no matter how much you exercise or how little you eat you will not lose the weight.

How do we know if this is true of you? Well the first thing is to rule out the physical. You say you are keeping to the plan and it is not having an impact. Well most people are not nearly as disciplined as they think they are, and even if you are it might take a couple months to get your metabolism to quicken it's pace if you have been living a sedentary life style.

Some people actually even sleep eat. They sleep walk to the fridge and eat and go back to bed. If you live alone put a lock on the fridge if you live with family ask them to see if any food goes missing at night, or just put a piece of tape on the fridge and see if it is dislodged when you wake.

Why would anyone fear fitness? Well other than the irrational fear that this might make them a more likely victim, there is the more realistic fear, "What if I get in shape and I still feel awful/lonely/unloved?"

Many of the overweight people I have worked with believe at their core they are flawed and/or unlovable. If they are fat they have a reason why they are rejected. But if they were fit and they were alone they would have no reasons for their pain except their greatest fear, they are hopeless.

Regardless, if you have not had counseling for the sexual abuse you need to seek that out, no matter how long ago the abuse occurred. Whether or not your weight loss is related to this trauma it has no doubt had an impact on your life and relationships and only by exploring that impact can you build a plan to deal with it.

I would also highly encourage adding emotional support to your pursuit of your weight loss goal. Weight Watchers works, not because of the points, but because of the meetings where people feel a part of a community. Find a work out buddy, seek counseling, even hypno-therapy to aide in your weight loss, just don't give up. You may never be skinny but a healthier you is waiting.