Using a guy for the holidays

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Question: My heart is still sore from my last relationship but I HATE being single during the holidays. I've gone on a couple dates with this guy and I think I might try to spend a lot of time with him just to survive until after 2/14. He is not Mr. Right, but neither of us is looking for anything serious. Does this plan make sense or am I just rationalizing so I don't have to be alone?

Answer: You are most certainly kidding yourself. In the best case scenario you will have used a guy to self medicate and protect you from your feelings during a rough patch of the year. In the worst case scenario you will end up feeling really used and you might have missed meeting the real Mr. Right.

It is irresponsible of me to jump to conclusions from just a couple of lines from your question but I'm going to assume you are one of those people who is always in a relationship. Often after getting out of one you tell yourself you just want to be single for awhile but somehow before two weeks have passed you just happen to have met someone interesting.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be connected to another person and have relationships, but dating a person just to protect you from the feeling of loneliness almost never leads to lasting love and fulfillment.

Relationships can be addictive and can be used just like drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, self injury, etc... to distract and insulate us from our emotions. If I'm in a relationship and I'm angry it can be because my boyfriend is acting like a jerk, but if I'm single and angry then what? I guess it has to be my fault.

Truly healthy people can be alone without being lonely. They can be angry, sad, surprised, anxious, and a hundred other feelings without needing a substance, a person, or any action to rescue them from their feelings.

You don't need a guy to make the holidays bearable. You need to change your expectations about what the holidays are supposed to be. If Christmas was about kissing under the mistletoe maybe you need to make it about visiting the elderly at a nursing home.

If you spend time with this guy that is not the end of the world, but just go into with your eyes open. Chances are if you spend a lot of time with a person and you are romantically linked whether or not you ever call it a relationship your heart is not going to get the memo.

If he isn't there to kiss you on New Years or he has plans with his "mom" on Valentines, the fact that you weren't looking for "anything serious" isn't going help with the loneliness. If you already know this guy isn't Mr. Right, then move on because Mr. Right isn't going to find you if you are hanging out with Mr. Placeholder.