Heroin and my brother?

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Question: My 28 year old brother just moved back in with our folks. He and his girlfriend had been living together and she always seemed really shady. She wrote us a letter claiming she caught him using heroin. My brother claims she is lying, but admits he has been feeling depressed. My parents are immigrants from Yemen and in our culture mental health issues and substance abuse are just not something you talk about. I'm afraid to let my parents help my brother because he might steal from them and take advantage of them. I'm afraid if we don't get him in treatment he is going to end up like those homeless addicts you see on that show intervention. I don't even know where to start!

Answer: Get your brother the help he is willing to take, and wait to trust him until he's earned it. The great thing about your situation is your brother has admitted he has a problem. No, it's not the problem that you are most afraid of, but if you can get him in treatment for the depression we are on the right path.

Most cultures have no conception of how to deal with mental health issues so you and your parents are not alone. The good news is there are culturally competent mental health professionals in every community. That does not mean they will be of your culture, but they will be able to work with its values and not in the face of them.

Do not simply encourage your brother to find a therapist, take next step and generate a list of names for him. If you have no idea where to start try your family physician, your insurance company, or an Internet search. Whether your brother is depressed or dealing with addiction he is unlikely to find help without support.

To prevent your brother from taking advantage of your parents insist that for the time being they never give him money. If he has a bill that needs paying that is his problem. If he claims it will ruin his credit, or they will take his car, many people have survived far worse. If your parents are determined to rescue him from his mistakes encourage them to write checks directly to the creditors, or to pay them with a credit card.

Make an inventory of everything precious that could be stolen from your parents house and sold easily and lock it up somewhere he cannot get access to it. If his feelings are hurt, and he reacts with indignation inform him that he has your permission to treat you in the same way if you ever move back in with your folks, and there are unsubstantiated rumors that you have used highly addictive drugs. Tell him that you understand his anger, and you hope that in three months you will be apologizing.

Trust is something that is earned not given. You love your brother, but once addictions enter the picture you would be very foolish to trust him. Addicts lie. They will do anything to get their need met and so until you are absolutely certain that he is healthy, stable, and on his feet you are better safe than sorry.