Molten Heart Pledge

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I hate when my clients, particularly women, treat others better than they treat themselves. I hate it when they settle for relationships with people who treat them poorly. I hate it so much that years ago I created a pledge for them to sign and promise not to do this anymore. I found it today when searching through some documents and I thought I would share it with all of you. If you have a friend you are sick of watching suffer, make them take the pledge. If you want a printable copy please just e-mail me and I'll send it to you.

The Molten Heart Pledge
(To be read out loud, line by line, and then signed)

I solemnly pledge
That from this day forward
I will give to myself
And demand for myself
The same love and respect
That I would grant to any other person

I will never settle
For a relationship with anyone
Who does not recognize my worth
And treat me with dignity

I will hold in my memory
That I have been told this day
By one whom I trust
That I am beautiful
Both inside and out

And if I hold to this pledge
I will find many
Who recognize my beauty

For I am as deserving of love
As any other person
I am an important, unique, individual
And the love that I have to offer
Is a marvel
of value beyond estimation

Signature_______________________

Witness________________________

dump the loser

Dear Maigler,

My friend is dating a guy who puts her down and treats her terribly. I know she could do so much better and I want her to get rid of this guy but I’m afraid if I push her too hard she will avoid me and keep him. Ideas?
Dump Theloser

Dear Dump Theloser,

If we want someone to make change we need to meet them where they are. Many women who date one jerk tend to replace him with another when the relationship ends. If you care about your friend you don’t just want her to dump this loser you want her to find a healthy relationship.

People seek people at their same emotional level. This is why two drug addicts who have never met before will find one another at a party, and why time and again domestic violence victims will meet one abuser after another. The behaviors do not have to be the same but the level of emotional health will be equal.

What you must ask your friend is what she is getting out of the relationship. The tricky part is you must ask this with an honest willingness to hear the answer and potentially be convinced that this guy isn’t as awful as you have decided. If you come to her with an open mind she will feel that in your voice tone and be far more likely to open up with you about her fears and concerns about the relationship. If she feels you are trying to pull her away from a relationship she values for some reason you will only cement them closer together.

One of two things will happen: 1.) She may show you something you did not see before which helps you understand why he is worth dating, 2.) her inability to list any convincing reason why she is dating him will say far more than you ever could about why she should break up with him.

Women who tolerate any kind of violence in their relationships, (and yes put downs are most certainly violence!) usually have a self esteem that could use work in some areas and you may want to encourage her to seek counseling. If there is any domestic violence involved encourage her to call the domestic violence hotline or go on their website http://www.ndvh.org/